At two years they spend a stage in which they just want to be with mom. It is a phase of ‘acute mastitis’ and they do not feel safe with anyone else, and that’s how children are, sometimes you have no option.
He does not reject his father, he is going through a stage where his mother is the only person who makes him feel totally safe. She is her attachment figure, the platform from which she will embark on exploring other relationships.
He also needs a little help to be able to trust others, and that is achieved by spending time with more people, but knowing that mom is there for anything. Without hurry, and above all without forcing you, your autonomy will increase.
How frequent is it?
Between 10 and 18 months, children begin to be more autonomous, they can now walk, explore the house or ask for what they want. However, they need their parents with the same intensity as when they were babies. That’s why they look for something to hold on to and if it’s Mama’s hand, much better. This will be a temporary stage that will be forgotten in a short time.
Between two and three years, children interact with other people, make friends or spend more time in the park playing with other children. All of that entails meeting many new people and, at the beginning, they can feel more comfortable if their mother is around to give them security.
The Most Common Cases
Some circumstances, such as the arrival of a brother, can dislocate his world. The only method they know to get attention is to let all their care (breakfast, tooth washing, bedtime …) fall solely on the mother’s hands. In fact, for the child, it is his mother who has forgotten him.
The same thing happens if she has always been at home and joins work after a leave of absence. In that case, it will be almost impossible to avoid. In this case there is an advantage, the child can be prepared so that the separation is not traumatic.
Other less drastic changes such as a move or a new caregiver, can trigger alarms. So, no matter how much daddy proposes it, the little one will decide that of homework assignments at home, nothing at all. As for him, Mom is his ‘caretaker’.
He Is Not Punishing Dad
Psychologists say that at this age the child is not yet aware that refusing to be with his father could be punishing him or making him suffer, he does not yet have the ability to put himself in the place of the other.
He is insecure and, for now, with Mama everything is easier. That is why it is important not to give much importance to such incidence, and act as if nothing had happened.
Is There’s A Solution?
Although most parents live this type of situation with anguish, the truth is that there is a solution and it is simpler than it might seem at first glance, it is about generating a certain confidence and autonomy in the child and thus stop feeling insecure when he is not with his mother.
It is important that he learn to play by himself. If you resist, we can come up with a plan. For example, we started playing with constructions. After a while, we let him continue alone, we move around the house, and talk to him. It is about the child knowing that we are there, even if he is alone in the room.
It is also a good idea to tempt him to do things with others. For example, we leave him a few minutes alone with dad. At first, that little bit has to be special, a story, a few minutes to fly through the air … The less fun tasks, the better. A few days later, you can start with less grateful tasks …
Some children run to take refuge in their mother’s skirts when guests arrive at home. Everyone looks at them and tells them things with a big smile, but the more efforts they make, the smaller the children cling to their mother’s legs. It is not good to force them to say hello and get caught by strangers. Children, like adults, need their time before taking certain trusts.
Little by little, when they feel comfortable and stop feeling ‘watched’, they will relax. Meanwhile as a father, its better to leave your space