Of all the things that parents worry about, there is one that gets the icing on the cake, and it is, obviously, the health of our children.
We are always up to date with all the information regarding the best food, vaccines, hygiene, etc. We take them to the best pediatricians, ophthalmologists, dentists, we read many articles on health, we are part of numerous groups on social networks so that nothing escapes us, we discuss the latest news with the other parents of our children’s school, etc.
As is logical, their well-being is what worries and occupies us the most. “For a child whatever,” we usually say.
It is that truly this is how it should be, since we became parents we are responsible for the health of our children at all levels. It is very common, then, that in every home we try to establish good habits so that the children understand the importance of taking care of their health.
It is precisely at times like those of the teaching and learning of these patterns around health when many of the conflicts between parents and children arise, and where the former lose their nerves, stress and blackmail the latter constantly.
Negative phrases such as:
Wash your teeth now or the Kings will not bring you gifts.
Since you do not eat everything, we will not go to the movies this afternoon.
I’m fed up with the “I do not want to wash my hands”, I’ll stop loving you.
And so, a long etcetera.
These blackmails are real and usual in the lives of many families, and the worst thing is that it is not only because of the health issue, it has reached a point where children are blackmailed absolutely for everything.
Emotional blackmail has disastrous consequences in the present and future life of children. Among others, it causes inferiority complex and lack of self-esteem, stress and depression, social difficulties, problems of learning and concentration, fears and phobias, sadness, believing themselves incapable of many things that they would like to do in life …
When we blackmail the children we become their manipulators, people who move the threads of others, subtly forcing them to do what they want to achieve their goal.
The blackmail of children is so integrated into society that it has become normalized. You see absolutely natural when a mother in a shopping center decides to tell her daughter, “As you cry because I do not buy this toy, Santa Claus will not bring you anything”. Not only do we understand it as normal, but there are times when it makes us laugh to see that girl stop crying, really thinking that she is going to run out of gifts on Christmas day, and this indicates that we have a serious problem as a society.
Blackmail causes fear, fear and pain and, of course, this is what it teaches. It should be noted then, that when you blackmail the children you are teaching them that blackmail is correct and positive to communicate and relate.
I have read hundreds of articles that give parents guidelines on what to do when their children blackmail them emotionally, as they are seriously concerned about this attitude in them. In none of these guidelines is the only valid one, stop educating them through blackmail. The children learn to blackmail emotionally if they are blackmailed during their childhood and / or adolescence. They will never be able to change this if they continue to be blackmailed. If it has been done regularly, it will entail a great job of reeducation (by the parents) so that their children also relearn new ways of communicating and, therefore, have another attitude towards life.
Some Tools To Stop Blackmailing
Empathize with the real needs of the children. Stop thinking so much about yourself and your interests and focus on knowing what children need emotionally and how you can offer it to your children.
Set an example, everything you want to achieve in them, do it yourself and what you do not want them to integrate stops doing it.
Positive and respectful communication. Treat your children how you like others to treat you.
Worrying about the health of our children obviously involves worrying about their mental, psychological and emotional health; work hard on it and get involved daily to do it better.
So remember that it is so important for children to brush their teeth, eat vegetables and sleep for as long as parents stop blackmailing them. To live without being blackmailed is to gain health.